The pertinent question in recovery from addiction is how to meet our real needs versus meeting the incessant demands of our addictive needs.
Addicts are people who live in the demands of a false self. The demands of a false self are urgent and chronically demanding.
The problem with false self needs is that they cannot be satisfied. They are born of trauma and are designed to take the place of authentic needs which we believed would not be met.
Authentic needs are, the need for nurture and safety and security. As the child believes these will be met he/she can relax and not be obsessed with their own psychological and physical survival.
Should the child come to the conclusion, even erroneously, that their legitimate needs will not or cannot be met, a trauma takes place and this creates an inner discontent and turmoil.
Human beings cannot live in a vacuum so a false self is created which creates the impression that the legitimate needs can be met in other ways.
These other means of satisfying authentic needs cannot work so the person exists in a state of unmet needs, or as is known, anxious, irritable and discontent.
Addiction is a means of trying to satisfy authentic needs, hence, one drink is too many and a thousand is not enough. What gives addiction its power is that it creates the illusion that it can satisfy the underlying human needs. Hence when the person is acting out or ‘using’, they can feel at ease and free of the chronic anxiety and discontent that pervades their being. But this is only a temporary feeling, and soon ends. Hence more and more ‘acting out’ is needed to maintain the addictive high.
12 Step programmes advocate abstinence or withdrawal, as a means to initiate recovery. Stopping the false means to meet our needs, allows the true self to emerge with its inbuilt power to get our needs met in a way that is not ultimately self-destructive.
Getting our needs met in a proper way, rather than by addiction, leads to a life of fulfilment and purpose. Getting our needs met by using addiction cannot possibly do this. Rather addiction can only lead to progressive psychological and physical deterioration.
Addiction in its purest form is a pathological relationship with a substance or behaviour. This pathological relationship is a mirror image of the pathological relationship with the false self.
A pathological liar is someone who can’t recognise the difference between the truth and a lie. A pathological relationship with the false self is the same. The false self appears to be the true self but is in fact a substitute.
Self-rigorous honesty is required to recognise the difference between the false self and the authentic self.
If you wish to communicate with the author please go to gerry.savage1@virgin.net
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