The symptoms of an illness are the means by which a person can recognize that the illness is present.  Dependence on any substance or behavior highlights underlying problems and it is these issues that must be dealt with to enable a full recovery to a normal way of life.

A normal way of life that includes a total release from the compulsive/obsessive desire to depend on the drug or behavior that was formerly imprisoning the addict.  When this freedom is present in the addict’s life then real joy is present.

Most people who have experienced release from addictive acting out agree that addiction is a threefold illness, affecting the sufferer mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

It is therefore important that an holistic approach is taken to recovery.  Removing the symptoms, ie the drinking or drugging etc, is of course immensely helpful to the addict but it falls short of what is required to allow the sufferer to enjoy a happy and joyous life.

Often addiction recovery is seen as weaning the addict off their ‘drug of choice’.  But though this is vitally important it is but a first step to full recovery.

To ‘recover’ is to regain or reclaim something that you once had, and lost.  Keeping this in mind recovery then, is to reclaim the freedom from addiction that normal people take for granted.

Addiction recovery is often characterised as a journey and it is this journey back to wholeness that must be travelled.  Progress on the journey is facilitated through the maintenance of a spiritual condition.  This spiritual condition can also be described as ‘self-rigorous honesty’.

The core support of all addiction is self-denial and it’s opposite, self-rigorous honesty, is the core support of addiction recovery.  Self-rigorous honesty is difficult to practice for an addict, who is suffering from an illness, of which the chief characteristic is, self justification.

Recognising this, can be a massive aid in returning to a normal way of life.  This insight is important in keeping the addict humble, which is another way of stating that he/she remains teachable.  The experience of recovered addicts points to this vital ingredient in their new way of thinking.

A well rehearsed saying amongst recovered addicts states that, ‘in order to stop your drinking you must change your thinking’.

‘He who is convinced against his will, is of the same mind still’, reminds us of the perils of a recovery that is not wholly authentic.  The addict in recovery who has willing to undergo a fundamental personality change may find him or herself in a precarious position.  This is referred to as, ‘white knuckle sobriety’ or being ‘a dry drunk’.

Recovering addicts in this situation find that life remains stressful, lacking joy and spontaneity, which sadly are not the hallmarks of a full and meaningful recovery.

Let’s find out:

First of all, it’s great to see that, unlike many other authors, Michael Webb let’s you inside his world. You get real-life examples of ways to solve relationship challenges, all based on his own personal life.

Second, unlike many other “experts” and marriage counselors, Michael Webb walks the walk. Michael Webb has never had a fight with his wife of 15 years, Athena. Inside this book, you learn exactly what he’s done to make this a reality. Everything you read, he does or has done to improve his relationship, and that’s what I really wanted to see – experience and real-life practice.

The book itself is simply set out with about one tip per day and just continues like this until the end of the book. Just about every tip had me shaking my head in agreement, as it gave me real-life solutions and several of those “a-ha” moments of profound understanding.

The only real down side of the book is that every tip is set out with the same formula: story or unrelated example, followed by how that example ties into relationships and that exact topic.

If you’re impatient or in a hurry, you can always start about halfway down and find out exactly what point he’s trying to make.

Also, instead of the tip titles providing a clear “how to solve X problem” or a clear topic description, it simply has a phrase that ties together with the information. Now while this is no big deal, it would have been nice to be able to skim the book to exactly the advice I wanted. Although if you read the information on the sales page, you can work out what information belongs where in the book. So it’s not too bad.

All in all, this is one of the best relationship books I’ve ever seen and it definitely deserves a read, especially if you have serious problems in your relationship.

Click below for more information on the book

http://joya123.50secrets.hop.clickbank.net

The symptoms of an illness are the means by which a person can recognise that the illness is present.  Dependence on any substance or behaviour highlights underlying problems and it is these issues that must be dealt with to enable a full recovery to a normal way of life.

A normal way of life that includes a total release from the compulsive/obsessive desire to depend on the drug or behaviour that was formerly imprisoning the addict.  When this freedom is present in the addict’s life then real joy is present.

Most people who have experienced release from addictive acting out agree that addiction is a threefold illness, affecting the sufferer mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

It is therefore important that an holistic approach is taken to recovery.  Removing the symptoms, ie the drinking or drugging etc, is of course immensely helpful to the addict but it falls short of what is required to allow the sufferer to enjoy a happy and joyous life.

Often addiction recovery is seen as weaning the addict off their ‘drug of choice’.  But though this is vitally important it is but a first step to full recovery.

To ‘recover’ is to regain or reclaim something that you once had, and lost.  Keeping this in mind recovery then, is to reclaim the freedom from addiction that normal people take for granted.

Addiction recovery is often characterised as a journey and it is this journey back to wholeness that must be travelled.  Progress on the journey is facilitated through the maintenance of a spiritual condition.  This spiritual condition can also be described as ‘self-rigorous honesty’.

The core support of all addiction is self-denial and it’s opposite, self-rigorous honesty, is the core support of addiction recovery.  Self-rigorous honesty is difficult to practice for an addict, who is suffering from an illness, of which the chief characteristic is, self justification.

Recognising this, can be a massive aid in returning to a normal way of life.  This insight is important in keeping the addict humble, which is another way of stating that he/she remains teachable.  The experience of recovered addicts points to this vital ingredient in their new way of thinking.

A well rehearsed saying amongst recovered addicts states that, ‘in order to stop your drinking you must change your thinking’.

‘He who is convinced against his will, is of the same mind still’, reminds us of the perils of a recovery that is not wholly authentic.  The addict in recovery who has willing to undergo a fundamental personality change may find him or herself in a precarious position.  This is referred to as, ‘white knuckle sobriety’ or being ‘a dry drunk’.

Recovering addicts in this situation find that life remains stressful, lacking joy and spontaneity, which sadly are not the hallmarks of a full and meaningful recovery.

If you wish to communicate with the author please go to gerry.savage1@virgin.net

Addiction itself is a many faceted illness and therefore recovery can take many forms.  In common with other illnesses addiction has both causes and symptoms.

The symptoms of an illness are the means by which a person can recognise that the illness is present.  Dependence on any substance or behaviour highlights underlying problems and it is these issues that must be dealt with to enable a full recovery to a normal way of life.

A normal way of life that includes a total release from the compulsive/obsessive desire to depend on the drug or behaviour that was formerly imprisoning the addict.  When this freedom is present in the addict’s life then real joy is present.

Most people who have experienced release from addictive acting out agree that addiction is a threefold illness, affecting the sufferer mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

It is therefore important that an holistic approach is taken to recovery.  Removing the symptoms, ie the drinking or drugging etc, is of course immensely helpful to the addict but it falls short of what is required to allow the sufferer to enjoy a happy and joyous life.

Often addiction recovery is seen as weaning the addict off their ‘drug of choice’.  But though this is vitally important it is but a first step to full recovery.

To ‘recover’ is to regain or reclaim something that you once had, and lost.  Keeping this in mind recovery then, is to reclaim the freedom from addiction that normal people take for granted.

Addiction recovery is often characterised as a journey and it is this journey back to wholeness that must be travelled.  Progress on the journey is facilitated through the maintenance of a spiritual condition.  This spiritual condition can also be described as ‘self-rigorous honesty’.

The core support of all addiction is self-denial and it’s opposite, self-rigorous honesty, is the core support of addiction recovery.  Self-rigorous honesty is difficult to practice for an addict, who is suffering from an illness, of which the chief characteristic is, self justification.

Recognising this, can be a massive aid in returning to a normal way of life.  This insight is important in keeping the addict humble, which is another way of stating that he/she remains teachable.  The experience of recovered addicts points to this vital ingredient in their new way of thinking.

A well rehearsed saying amongst recovered addicts states that, ‘in order to stop your drinking you must change your thinking’.

‘He who is convinced against his will, is of the same mind still’, reminds us of the perils of a recovery that is not wholly authentic.  The addict in recovery who has willing to undergo a fundamental personality change may find him or herself in a precarious position.  This is referred to as, ‘white knuckle sobriety’ or being ‘a dry drunk’.

Recovering addicts in this situation find that life remains stressful, lacking joy and spontaneity, which sadly are not the hallmarks of a full and meaningful recovery.

This advice sounds good, but does it actually work in practice?  Well the first thing to remember is that the chief characteristic of any addiction is denial.  Denial actually means that the addict is able to discard the reality of their situation and the disaster that is the inevitable outcome of their behaviour.

After all, it wouldn’t be much of an addiction, if someone was to point it out and the addicted person went immediately for treatment!  The problem is that the addict lives in a world of illusion.  A world that is supported by ideas that are protected by a closed mind, is necessary to allow the addictive behaviour to continue.

Rationalization is the chief talent of this sort of thinking.  Considering the previous experiences of addictive episodes the behaviour of the addict is absurd and incomprehensible as he or she sets out once more to continue the behaviour.  Most recovery programs require recognition from the addict that they are living in a state of insanity.  Unfortunately the word insanity conjures up a lot of prejudiced reaction but is best summed up as, ‘doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result’.

Just like putting your hand in the fire and getting badly burned, but being able to rationalize that the next time you do it, you will not get burned.  The type of sane thinking that most people use is strangely absent in the addict when it comes to continuing their addictive behaviour.

Constantly telling the addict that their behaviour is insane will get you nowhere, as, due to the illness they have a closed mind.  Often the worst person to be offering advice is the person closest to the addict.  Their very good advice is interpreted as unwarranted interference which can have the opposite effect of further alienating the addict.

Experience shows that the best person to get through to the addicted person is usually another addict who is in recovery.  Rather than appear to be judging the behavior, this person can calmly share their experience of addiction and their joy in recovery, and the addicted person is much less defensive.  With their defensiveness lowered, the addicts mind is more likely to be able to accept ideas that were formerly bitterly rejected by them.

Through identification with the recovered addict a psychic change takes place in the still suffering addict, leading in time to a miraculous release from all desire to continue the behaviour.

But there is often another perspective that goes alongside that of the addict and that is the person or people affected by the addicts’ actions.

People who are having a relationship with the addict are also trapped in the addictive cycle, often struggling alone to cope during both the active phase of the illness and even during the recovery journey.

Cessation or withdrawal is but the first step away from a highly strained abnormal condition.

The addict, their family and wider network of acquaintances, including employers often have developed ideas and roles through which they cope with what they find to be a very perplexing situation.

Addicts are a riddle to family and friends, often roaring like a tornado through the lives of others.  Sweet relationships are dead and emotional and financial security are forever stressed and under threat.

The natural reaction of those closest to the addict may be to try harder to get him or her to modify or stop their addictive behaviour.  After each attempt and another failure they become angry, resentful and disillusioned. “Why doesn’t the addict stop”?  Surely they must recognise the harm they are doing to themselves and their family.  Years of living with an addict would make a sceptic out of anyone.

Addiction is often characterised as a family disease, and addiction is often said to affect at least six other people.   Yet those other people who are affected do not actually suffer from the disease, but are suffering because of it.  Most people who are having any kind of relationship with an addict become mentally exhausted through their efforts to fix them.

The family member or other close acquaintance really needs to understand that despite their best intentions they are completely powerless over the addiction.  Living in a state of frustration and despair only adds to the dilemma.

Experience shows that detaching from the addiction is the surest way to help the addict.  Detachment means, to unconditionally stop taking responsibility for the addicts’ life.  Responsibility that the addict themselves need to start taking if they are to get well.

All addicts have enablers in their lives.  These enablers are people who take responsibility for the addicts’ life, responsibility that the addict ought to be taking.  Henry Ford is reputed to have said that the one thing of supreme value in life is experience.  If an addict is shielded authentic experience, they will continue to live in the sickness, unable to learn stark lessons.

Goal focus comes after goal setting. The greatest barrier to concentration and focus is our own thinking. Distractions and illusions get in the way of purposeful thinking.

2 It will make you accountable to another person

Making ourselves accountable to others is a short cut to disciplined action. Very few people are self disciplined to the extent they need to be, to overcome all the temptations they encounter in everyday life. Putting things off is the best way to leave them undone. Procrastination is really sloth in five syllables. It is also the thief of time.

3 It will create inspiration to action

What can be achieved as a team is greater than the sum of the parts. That is well known. If everyone else is contributing to success, it is natural to join in and this will benefit you far more than what you can do alone.

Action is always the key to success. Planning and intention is all very well but without the follow through to action, intention is not enough.

4 It will diminish the consequences of mistakes you invariably make

Mistakes are part of learning, but major mistakes can have disastrous consequences. The chances of major mistakes happening are greatly diminished when we benefit from the input of others. More especially when some of those others have more experience and walked the road ahead of us. You can massively benefit from their experience.

5 It will shorten the time to success

Because you are part of a team you have the contribution of all the members who are succeeding. The learning curve is shortened because you can draw on others resources.

6 It will discipline your time and thinking

Unless you are a highly motivated marketer, it is easy to become disillusioned when you encounter difficult challenges and setbacks. The reason most people fail is because they give up. This is much less likely when you are part of a highly motivated team.

7 It will fill in the gaps in your knowledge

No-one can have all the knowledge they need when they start a new project. It is much easier to acquire the necessary knowledge from other people who are motivated to help you knowing that they in turn can get some help from others in the group.

8 It will overcome self-reliance

Self-reliance is good as far as it goes but does it go far enough.

9 It will force you out of your comfort zone

No matter what we think, where we are financially is where we are comfortable. We may believe we are trying hard to change the results we are getting, but in reality we do things a certain way because that is the way that is most comfortable and familiar to us. But the question is, ‘does it work’.?

10 It will give you confidence when you feel like quitting

Many times we feel like quitting. It is a natural response when we are tired and frustrated. Being part of a successful team creates the necessary impetus to carry us to success.

The link below takes you to a community of internet marketers who share their strengths and weaknesses with each other in a helpful manner.

It is sometimes to easily discern the nature of a relationship, at other times much more difficult.  Even if you are in a relationship that has potential but doesn’t seem to be working how can you make it work?

The way an individual establishes and maintains personal boundaries, can reveal much about their sense of self and their ability to relate in a healthy way to others.

Boundaries are crucial and incredibly significant in building healthy relationships with others. Click here for more information.

At the most basic level a healthy relationship can only exist between two individuals, each with defined and separate selves, relating to each other through clear boundaries.  In order to have the best chance of creating healthy relationships with others, we first need to have a clear definition of who we are as individuals.

Only with clear and unambiguous self definition, can a person become comfortable with vulnerability.  Being comfortable with vulnerability is necessary in softening the boundaries and allowing a relationship to develop with another.  Without clear and defined boundaries, the needs desires and challenges that go to make up a relationship, mesh together in unhealthy ways.

The capacity and ability to know ourselves and set our personal boundaries is critical in establishing how we will interact with others in relationships.  This establishes how close to others we allow ourselves to be, what is acceptable or tolerable and what is definitely not.

Just as food anorexia is compulsive food avoidance leading to self-starvation, social/emotional anorexia leads to enforced isolation and feelings of self- hatred and despair.

Most addicts when acting addictively are indulging in excess and when this process is stopped they may switch to self deprivation.  It is characterised by an unrelenting obsession with and fear of social contact, intimancy and vulnerability.

The obsessional state is at attempt to manage pain and anxiety.  Certain core beliefs fuel the pain and anxiety:

• I am basically a bad and unworthy person
• I am inadequate as I am
• It is unsafe to depend on others

These beliefs and attitudes make it impossible to experience freedom and relaxation in social situations.

The suffer is aware of his or her existential discomfort but is at a loss to understand it or overcome it.

The awareness of the internal barriers leads to feelings of self-hatred and depression further fuelling the compulsive need to escape from what the sufferer believes is the cause of their unrelenting discomfort ie the social situation.

Avoiding social contact temporarily alleviates the symptons of anxiety, but as the relief is temporary the process has to be repeated thus setting up a vicious cycle.